I remember coming home after a physical hard day of work. Amy would ask me to help with something around the house or with Judah. And I would with a lot of huffing and puffing do what she asked of me while grumbling some kind of complaint under my breath. I could get so frustrated that she could not understand how tired I would be. She would say just a little thing and it would be the straw that broke the camels back. Oh how self-righteous I would feel to have her serve me. Like I had earned her devotion. The groveling fool that I was.
Just today Judah was laying in bed and Amy sat down on the couch with the computer. Judah yells from his room I want some water. Amy looks up at me and asks me to get it for Judah. I had just sat down with excitement to see a co-parent from Judah's school to whom we are getting better acquainted perform on tonight's episode of 'the Beast' (A&E). My reaction was all but right. I didn't want to do it. I said that I didn't want to miss him, and that she should do it. Her reply was simply "This is the first thing I have asked of you all evening." I will have you know that this was the first thing that she has asked of me since she came home because I had a team meeting online that I attended earlier in the evening."I was doing some work on the computer for work, but I'll go." And as she is taking care of Judah I feel smaller than a pea. Well not litteraly, but I do feel rotten. I came to the conclusion that 'the grass is always greener on the other side'. No matter on what side of the fence I find myself I will always react like I am the one who is shorthanded. Like I deserve something.
Reality is Amy is nothing but grace in my life. I do not deserve her or Judah for one split second. It is nothing but grace . Now I don't want you to think that I am a self loathing kind of guy. I do realize that this works both ways. Yet I wouldn't dare to write this kind of story about anyone but myself. I would just be trashing Amy if this was about her fence, and believe me she has one too.
My point is that once in a while you have these moments where the window is not fogged over and you can see clearly to the other side of the window pain. You see that your frustration has no ground to stand on and that you cause exactly the same. It is like you see clearly into a mirror and everything is the same except for you. In this case I was Amy. I saw that my shallow emotion caused the same frustration. And all this over some water.
I was wrong.
Just today Judah was laying in bed and Amy sat down on the couch with the computer. Judah yells from his room I want some water. Amy looks up at me and asks me to get it for Judah. I had just sat down with excitement to see a co-parent from Judah's school to whom we are getting better acquainted perform on tonight's episode of 'the Beast' (A&E). My reaction was all but right. I didn't want to do it. I said that I didn't want to miss him, and that she should do it. Her reply was simply "This is the first thing I have asked of you all evening." I will have you know that this was the first thing that she has asked of me since she came home because I had a team meeting online that I attended earlier in the evening."I was doing some work on the computer for work, but I'll go." And as she is taking care of Judah I feel smaller than a pea. Well not litteraly, but I do feel rotten. I came to the conclusion that 'the grass is always greener on the other side'. No matter on what side of the fence I find myself I will always react like I am the one who is shorthanded. Like I deserve something.
Reality is Amy is nothing but grace in my life. I do not deserve her or Judah for one split second. It is nothing but grace . Now I don't want you to think that I am a self loathing kind of guy. I do realize that this works both ways. Yet I wouldn't dare to write this kind of story about anyone but myself. I would just be trashing Amy if this was about her fence, and believe me she has one too.
My point is that once in a while you have these moments where the window is not fogged over and you can see clearly to the other side of the window pain. You see that your frustration has no ground to stand on and that you cause exactly the same. It is like you see clearly into a mirror and everything is the same except for you. In this case I was Amy. I saw that my shallow emotion caused the same frustration. And all this over some water.
I was wrong.
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Thanks for posting that Josh. Nice to wake up in the morning and read a story about a man being humble enough to realize his mistakes.
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