Snap

Snap......Snap.......Snap.......Snap......... Judah is snapping his fingers as we walk up the stairs to our back door.

As I was finishing my lunch yesterday Judah suddenly yelled "Look Papa." I turn to look at him. There he stands holding his hand high up in the air, as proud as anybody can be. As I look at his hand I realize that there is nothing in his hands. That's when it happened, first it was almost inaudible, snap. As I realize what he is doing my eyes go big and then there it was the first real snap...... Snap...... I am so proud of him. He is glowing with a sense of accomplishment. I wonder where he learned that. Then it hits me. He has learned it from me. I always snap my fingers at him to get his attention when he is close by. He knows that I am serious and that he has to listen. I don't have to raise my voice, I don't have to barter, I don't have to get mad. I just, snap my fingers and he knows. He is now able to snap his own fingers. This is so cool. And then this morning as we are dropping Amy of at the hospital he snaps his fingers and says "I snap you goodbye." I laughed.

Now we are walking back up the stairs. Snap......Snap....Snap.....Snap

Update.

It has been a while since I have put my thoughts in black and white. Where do I start. Lets make this one a quick little update:

So since the last post I have enrolled at Liberty University Online. Here I plan to get my BA in multi-disciplinairy studies. They will accept most of my previous college experiences and also allow me to create a portfolio with my life experiences. This will allow me to finish my BA in a shorter amount of time. In preparation for this I started taking Adderall again. The doses is still a little low for me but we have enough time to build op to a dose that works.

I have been reading a whole lot more than I havein a long while and it has been very relaxing to me. Both Amy and Judah have had a week of in the past month. Both happened to be at different times but it has been a good family month for us.

The wheather is finally changing so we get to be outside more. It also is staying light a whol lot longer and that means that Judah can play on the playground after school. He has been enjoying that a whole lot.

My brother Paul and his wife Marieke are expecting and I am now allowed to mention that they will be having a son. We found this out when they were here and we ttook them to the hospital to see Amy at work. We am very excited about this.

I talked to my grand mother the other day and she is planning on visiting me this comming July. She will do this together with one of my uncles his wife and his son (my oldest cousin). This is a big deal because my grandma lost her husband a while ago and she chooses to live the remainder of her life to the fullest. I am looking forward to showing her a little of my life.

At church we are doing something we call celebration of hope. we are packaging food packages to feed 40.000 children for a whole year. In addition to that we will spent the remainder of the raised money on water solutions. I have been volunteering in the lobby of our church where we are showing different possible water solutions. I have really been enjoying this because it is so close to my heart for missions.

We are starting to do more about our invertillity again. We saw the doctor last week and are waiting for a referal to a speciallist. You will hear more about this journey as we go along. Your prayers are really apreciated because our hearts ache for more children. We have been talking about alternate possibilities and the corresponding challanges such as finances, living space and time tables. We know that Gods will is perfect but that doesn't always help.

God really blessed us with a big tax-return this year. About 5 times as big as we expected. Praise God for His provision.

What I am.

"I am not aware of to many things
I know what I know
if you know what I mean."

-Edie Brickell & New Bohemians-

For the last two years I have been thinking about what I want to do while Amy is doing her residency. And for the last nine months I have been having an auto-biopsy. I have been racking my brain and running my emotions in all directions. I have had my highs. Starting my own Shaklee business, finding a church to call home, doing the One-A-Day challenge, etc. But I have also had time where my emotions were dragging on the pavement and I felt depressed. The missing of some intimite friends, still not expecting an addition to our family, not being able to volunteer in a ministry, etc. There have been times where I felt like nothing I would like to do in the next few years is possible. I still have a desire to get a BA degree and perhaps even more. Yet I don't seem to be able to make up my mind in what I want to study. When I think I know what I find my self realizing we dont have the money. I don't realy want to start over again. I know that most of my previous educations will not transfer. This is a depressing thought proccess for me. But through it all God has shown himself faithful. Just like He always does. I know for a fact that my entire family has grown closer to Him and to each other since we have been here.

On February ninth I wrote:

"My desire is to one day rely on God with this much sincerity. To fully know that his provision for the outcome of every situation in my life is for the good of His glory and the furtherment of His kingdom. To be able to say to myself in full conviction that my life belongs to him and he may do as he pleases. To realize that a beating or even death is nothing he hasn't done for me already. I owe my suffering to Him."

This really is my prayer and I know that he has been working with me on this for years and will do so for the rest of my life. But the last few weeks have been a real emotional roller coaster. Three weeks ago I had a conversation with Isaac, Kate and Amy that rocked me. I shared with them my vision for the church. In the safety of our relationship with each other I lost it. I completely broke down. So here I am crying and broken over the body of Christ. Isaac made a small comment the following day that gripped me and hassen't let go yet. He said: "I know you say you talk about your soap box being this or that but I have never seen you more passionate and moved than you were when you spoke about the church. Are you sure that that is not your real soapbox?" I have been thinking about that a lot. This question has been in the back of my head in esspecially in my planning what education to get. I just don't know any more. So today I asked my self the questions: What do I know for sure about my self and my future?

I know that I have always wanted to be a misionairy. I remember the stories about friends of my parents. Stories about their misionary work in Papua New Guinuea, Africa. I loved going on missions trips.

I know that God called me to study the bible in the USA. It was clear as day that he called me to go and prepare to be a worker because the harvest is plentyful.

I know that I am created to do ministry. You can read about this in my peptobismal post.

I know that I love to teach. I love to help people learn something or to improve what they already know. I love to see someone improve in something and know that I have part in that growth.

I know that my greates passion is the body of Christ, His bride, His everything, the hope for today. My moms says that I used to play church with the stuffed animals. I would set them all in rows and preach to them. Out of this passion comes my desire for those in need, the underprivilliged, the lost. I remember giving my nice bicycle away when I heard that children didn't have any toys or bikes to play with in poor countries.

Even with all these answers I know that nothing has changed. I still don't know what to do for a BA but I do know that I really want to go to seminary, for which you need a BA.

Today Bill spoke about the fact that God still speaks to us today. He said that if you hear Him, and know that it is Him, you should listen. This is not a surprise but he said that you should listen no matter what. The no matter what is what jumped out at me. So many times I have talked myself out of an education because I didn't think that it was possible financially or that I would not be able to find the time to work and study. The other thing that I have realized today is that I am afraid of not finishing yet another education. That to is why the no matter what jumps out at me.

Princess

My brother Paul and his lovely wife Marieke have been here or the last five days. It has been o much fun that it was hard to say good bey this morning. On Thursday we went to downtown and spent the day there. This was so much fun that we deprived Judah of his nap in the process. Amy joined us in the evening for some real chicagoan style pizza, my favorite. On the way back as we were changing from the red line to the brown we had to wait a few minutes for the train to arive. hudddled under the heat lamps we were enjoying a delerious Judah. There were a few other people standing under these lights that seemed to enjoy our young bundle of hyeractivity. One of the older ladies started to interact with him and asked him a few questions among which she asked him what he wants to be when he grows up. Judah hit a shy spell and decided not to answer this ladie. She tehn continued to ask him if he wanted to be a doctor when he grows up to which he replies: "No,....... I am a boy." This made me laugh and I explained to the woman that his mom is a doctor. I looked to my brother and added "He would love to be a princess though."

Running shoes.

I have decided to run the Chicago marathon this year. I am going to run this with Team World Vision*. A marathon is 26.2 miles long (42Km). This would be impossible for me to do today so I need to prepare myself quite a bit. So today I took my first step of commitment towards this noble goal, if I may say so myself. We (Amy, Kate Isaac and I) went to the local runners store to get Isaac and me fitted for shoes. I bought a pair and so now that I have put money toward running this marathon my level of commitment is higher than that is was this morning.

As I was running up and down the stores length to see how each shoe felt I got to think about what Paul said in Ephesians 6:15. See at the first information meeting we received the advice that the very first thing you do to prepare yourself for a race is to get fitted with good shoes. Good shoes prevent injuries and make running easier. Paul writes that we should put on the shoes of the preparation of the gospel of truth. Just like I put on the shoes of the preparation of the marathon.

Another thing that was said in that meeting was that because of the layout of the marathon there is not a single space in the race where there aren't people on the sidelines supporting the runners. You get to wear your name on the front of your shirt adn these supporters will yell: 'Yeah, Joshua, you can do it you are the best (.....ever)' and thing like that to really build you up as you pass by. I am so curious to see all this in action. But then I remebered that Hebrews 12:1 says:

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us,
let us also lay aside every encumbrance and this sin which so easily entangles us,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us"

Do you really grasp this? does this hit you like it did me? Man do I realize that even though I am still in the earliest preparations of this coming race that this verse is so vital to our walk with the Father. I need to get over all my little excuses of why I don't want to run today. Especially if I realize the amazing supporters that are standing along the way yelling out my name and building me up. 1 Corinthians 9:24 asks "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only only receives a prize?" When I realized that these simple analogies are so applicable in what I am preparing for right now I had to take a good look at my spiritual fitness. Do I walk with endurance? Do I train to win? Do I have the end in mind? Do I let myself be enticed by these distractions? Am I training to build up my endurance?

Endurance........

That is not accomplished over night that is the result of repeatedly practicing to have the ability to exert yourself for a long period of time. Am I training for that spiritually? Are you? They told us that running is a very spiritual thing and that it would most likely deepen our relationship with God and others. I know that I am going to grow spiritually as I prepare myself for this race. I know this for a fact. I just didn't think it woul start this early, after all I have only just bought my running shoes.

1 Corinthians 9:24 continues: "Run in such a way that you may win." This is what I want to do. I want to cross that finish line and hear the words: "Well done my good and faithful servant."

Will you run with me?







*World Vision is a Christian humanitarian organization dedicated to working with children, families, and their communities worldwide to reach their full potential by tackling the causes of poverty and injustice.

Beauty and the Beast

I remember coming home after a physical hard day of work. Amy would ask me to help with something around the house or with Judah. And I would with a lot of huffing and puffing do what she asked of me while grumbling some kind of complaint under my breath. I could get so frustrated that she could not understand how tired I would be. She would say just a little thing and it would be the straw that broke the camels back. Oh how self-righteous I would feel to have her serve me. Like I had earned her devotion. The groveling fool that I was.
Just today Judah was laying in bed and Amy sat down on the couch with the computer. Judah yells from his room I want some water. Amy looks up at me and asks me to get it for Judah. I had just sat down with excitement to see a co-parent from Judah's school to whom we are getting better acquainted perform on tonight's episode of 'the Beast' (A&E). My reaction was all but right. I didn't want to do it. I said that I didn't want to miss him, and that she should do it. Her reply was simply "This is the first thing I have asked of you all evening." I will have you know that this was the first thing that she has asked of me since she came home because I had a team meeting online that I attended earlier in the evening."I was doing some work on the computer for work, but I'll go." And as she is taking care of Judah I feel smaller than a pea. Well not litteraly, but I do feel rotten. I came to the conclusion that 'the grass is always greener on the other side'. No matter on what side of the fence I find myself I will always react like I am the one who is shorthanded. Like I deserve something.
Reality is Amy is nothing but grace in my life. I do not deserve her or Judah for one split second. It is nothing but grace . Now I don't want you to think that I am a self loathing kind of guy. I do realize that this works both ways. Yet I wouldn't dare to write this kind of story about anyone but myself. I would just be trashing Amy if this was about her fence, and believe me she has one too.
My point is that once in a while you have these moments where the window is not fogged over and you can see clearly to the other side of the window pain. You see that your frustration has no ground to stand on and that you cause exactly the same. It is like you see clearly into a mirror and everything is the same except for you. In this case I was Amy. I saw that my shallow emotion caused the same frustration. And all this over some water.
I was wrong.

One Shot #20, #21, #22 & #23

I had some days where I did not post any One Shots. So I went out tonight to make up for lost times.

Potbelly:
Specs:

Canon EOS20D
ISO: 400
T: 1/125
A: f/5.6
F: 231mm (231 * 1.6 = 369.6mm)
Exposure: -0.33
WB K5400
Parameters: Contrast 0 / Sharpness 0 / Saturation 0 / Color Tone 0
Photo ID: _MG_0985.JPG

Lighting: Direct sunlight.


Specs:

Canon EOS20D
ISO: 400
T: 1/15
A: f/4.0
F: 30mm (30 * 1.6 = 48mm)
Exposure: 0
WB K5400
Parameters: Contrast 0 / Sharpness 0 / Saturation 0 / Color Tone 0
Photo ID: _MG_0986.JPG

Lighting: What you see plus the surrounding street lights.


Specs:

Canon EOS20D
ISO: 400
T: 1/6
A: f/5.0
F: 18mm (18 * 1.6 = 28.8mm)
Exposure: 0
WB K5400
Parameters: Contrast 0 / Sharpness 0 / Saturation 0 / Color Tone 0
Photo ID: _MG_0988.JPG

Lighting: What you see plus the surrounding street lights.


Specs:

Canon EOS20D
ISO: 400
T: 1/5
A: f/5,0
F: 38mm (38 * 1.6 = 60.8mm)
Exposure: 0
WB K5400
Parameters: Contrast 0 / Sharpness 0 / Saturation 0 / Color Tone 0
Photo ID: _MG_0991.JPG

Lighting: What you see plus the surrounding street lights of which one lit the tree up really well.

One Shot #18 & #19

As requested by Michelle:
Specs:

Canon EOS20D
ISO: 400
T: 1/30
A: f/3.5
F: 18mm (18 * 1.6 = 28.8mm)
Exposure: -0.33
WB K5400
Parameters: Contrast +0.5 / Sharpness +0.5 / Saturation +0.5 / Color Tone 0
Photo ID: _MG_0895.JPG

Lighting: over head and one freestanding room light.

And our youth sanctuary:
Specs:

Canon EOS20D
ISO: 400
T: 1/10
A: f/5.0
F: 43mm (43 * 1.6 = 68.8mm)
Exposure: Manual (-2?)
WB K5400
Parameters: Contrast +0.5 / Sharpness +0.5 / Saturation +0.5 / Color Tone 0
Photo ID: _MG_0887.JPG

Lighting: Only what you can see




I do have to say once more that these colors are just a whole lot more flat than those on my computer.